I have always wanted to go from looking like this
And this........
Here is a ten step, fool proof (not) ways to a Do It Yourself guide to giving yourself a haircut.
1. Get a pair of scissors
It is amazing how people think just about anything else would do. It's your hair, not a coil of rope. Throw away those pen knives, yes, that 'Swiss knife' has to go as well, and other sharp implements that make you feel like it could be the one. Make sure the scissors are not rusted. And just to be sure, try cutting up different things so that once it touches your hair, there's no possibility of it going berserk.
2. Drink something fortifying
Thinking of doing something as foolhardy or as gutsy calls for an iron stomach and rose coloured lenses. Water, tea, coffee, Red Bull, just about anything you can throw up if things don't go as planned. Do not be scared yet. Remember, it will always grow back no matter how you cut it. Eating a lot of chocolate is known to infuse courage as well as instill a little sense in people.
3. Ask two friends to be witnesses/assistants/counselors
Two friends, not more not less. One person might not be able to support your weight in case you faint..er..fall. Also, she/he might refuse to cut your hair for you in case you get the jitters. Two, on the other hand might end up fighting over who gets to wield the scissors. They will keep you confused for a couple of hours until you tell them to shut up and proceed with the hair brained...sorry...hair cutting scheme.
4. Get some sleep before the 'event'
A clear and fresh mind is a prerequisite for this endeavour. Think of it like an exam. You do not want to fall asleep in the middle of one. Make sure you are sober, lucid and wide awake. Once the scissors touch your hair, there's no going back. A snip here, and a snip there, may just end in a lot of sniffs. So, save yourself the trouble and make this decision with a clear head and hopefully your head full of hair will look fabulous.
5. Pick out a style
Do you go out to dinner without any clue as to what you feel like having? Do you not obsess over what to wear for a party, a first date or a job interview? The same approach must be applied in this situation as well. A little bit of research goes a long way in identifying and narrowing down to the specific style you want. There are dozens of styles that you think would look fantastic. Finally, make sure you can make your hands/fingers can bend any which way to get the cut just right.
6. It does not help if you close your eyes
A soldier does not go into war with his eyes closed. A surgeon dare not operate with a blink gone wayward. A pilot would tape his eyes open at all times, if only he could. This is not a ten metre jump in the pool which requires you to shut your eyes and step off the board, for there is only one way from there....down. It would be the disaster of the year if you were to snip off your eyelashes or eyebrows by mistake. Note : your friends are not above video recording the whole deal and posting it on Youtube, so might as well look good for those 3 minutes of fame.
7. Making a Splash
Create a flashy and splashy routine whenever you enter or exit a room. The entire population of that room should get an eyeful of your new and awesome hair do, making them eat their hearts out. Practice twists and turns and pirouettes. On the other hand, just to cover all bases, practice slinking into and out of places unnoticed and unobserved.
8. Mirror Mirror on the wall
The mirror is your best friend and worst enemy. It makes that shirt look hot while the poor tee-shirt looks like it's been slept in, for a year. Once the deed is done, figure out your best mirror face and never look on the other side. Even if a tell tale tuft is seen peeking out, do not cross over to the other side. The trick lies in the angle and lighting, it's all about putting your best face forward.
9. Start with a bang...
Literally. Do not try anything more than bangs or at best a side fringe if you're feeling adventurous. Repeat to yourself -'I am not Jaaved Habib, or his student, or his protege, or in any way related to him'. Keep it simple and there are very little chances of goofing up. There must be a natural progression of things. It must be kept n mind that trying out a fringe on somebody with curly hair is a recipe for disaster. Especially if you decide to wet the lock of hair, pull it in any direction and start cutting. It will curl up. It will look like something that should never have been tried outside a reality show or "Believe it or Not".
10. Try it on someone else first
No explanation necessary. Or is there? In the event your handiwork turns out to be amazing, people will be clamouring to get in line for your impromptu 'do'. However, if the result is less than pleasing, you know it's time to retire your shears and get a new hobby. First order of things should be to run and hide though. The person you practiced on will probably be hunting for you, presumably to relieve you of your tresses.
NOTE: I accept absolutely no responsibility for the spate of "Hey I can cut my hair too!"s
And this........
To this........
Here is a ten step, fool proof (not) ways to a Do It Yourself guide to giving yourself a haircut.
1. Get a pair of scissors
It is amazing how people think just about anything else would do. It's your hair, not a coil of rope. Throw away those pen knives, yes, that 'Swiss knife' has to go as well, and other sharp implements that make you feel like it could be the one. Make sure the scissors are not rusted. And just to be sure, try cutting up different things so that once it touches your hair, there's no possibility of it going berserk.
2. Drink something fortifying
Thinking of doing something as foolhardy or as gutsy calls for an iron stomach and rose coloured lenses. Water, tea, coffee, Red Bull, just about anything you can throw up if things don't go as planned. Do not be scared yet. Remember, it will always grow back no matter how you cut it. Eating a lot of chocolate is known to infuse courage as well as instill a little sense in people.
3. Ask two friends to be witnesses/assistants/counselors
Two friends, not more not less. One person might not be able to support your weight in case you faint..er..fall. Also, she/he might refuse to cut your hair for you in case you get the jitters. Two, on the other hand might end up fighting over who gets to wield the scissors. They will keep you confused for a couple of hours until you tell them to shut up and proceed with the hair brained...sorry...hair cutting scheme.
4. Get some sleep before the 'event'
A clear and fresh mind is a prerequisite for this endeavour. Think of it like an exam. You do not want to fall asleep in the middle of one. Make sure you are sober, lucid and wide awake. Once the scissors touch your hair, there's no going back. A snip here, and a snip there, may just end in a lot of sniffs. So, save yourself the trouble and make this decision with a clear head and hopefully your head full of hair will look fabulous.
5. Pick out a style
Do you go out to dinner without any clue as to what you feel like having? Do you not obsess over what to wear for a party, a first date or a job interview? The same approach must be applied in this situation as well. A little bit of research goes a long way in identifying and narrowing down to the specific style you want. There are dozens of styles that you think would look fantastic. Finally, make sure you can make your hands/fingers can bend any which way to get the cut just right.
6. It does not help if you close your eyes
A soldier does not go into war with his eyes closed. A surgeon dare not operate with a blink gone wayward. A pilot would tape his eyes open at all times, if only he could. This is not a ten metre jump in the pool which requires you to shut your eyes and step off the board, for there is only one way from there....down. It would be the disaster of the year if you were to snip off your eyelashes or eyebrows by mistake. Note : your friends are not above video recording the whole deal and posting it on Youtube, so might as well look good for those 3 minutes of fame.
7. Making a Splash
Create a flashy and splashy routine whenever you enter or exit a room. The entire population of that room should get an eyeful of your new and awesome hair do, making them eat their hearts out. Practice twists and turns and pirouettes. On the other hand, just to cover all bases, practice slinking into and out of places unnoticed and unobserved.
8. Mirror Mirror on the wall
The mirror is your best friend and worst enemy. It makes that shirt look hot while the poor tee-shirt looks like it's been slept in, for a year. Once the deed is done, figure out your best mirror face and never look on the other side. Even if a tell tale tuft is seen peeking out, do not cross over to the other side. The trick lies in the angle and lighting, it's all about putting your best face forward.
9. Start with a bang...
Literally. Do not try anything more than bangs or at best a side fringe if you're feeling adventurous. Repeat to yourself -'I am not Jaaved Habib, or his student, or his protege, or in any way related to him'. Keep it simple and there are very little chances of goofing up. There must be a natural progression of things. It must be kept n mind that trying out a fringe on somebody with curly hair is a recipe for disaster. Especially if you decide to wet the lock of hair, pull it in any direction and start cutting. It will curl up. It will look like something that should never have been tried outside a reality show or "Believe it or Not".
10. Try it on someone else first
No explanation necessary. Or is there? In the event your handiwork turns out to be amazing, people will be clamouring to get in line for your impromptu 'do'. However, if the result is less than pleasing, you know it's time to retire your shears and get a new hobby. First order of things should be to run and hide though. The person you practiced on will probably be hunting for you, presumably to relieve you of your tresses.
NOTE: I accept absolutely no responsibility for the spate of "Hey I can cut my hair too!"s
this made me laugh . nice pics
ReplyDeletesuper nice:)
ReplyDeleteThat's MY hair you cut!!! I can't believe you did this. Superbly written just as always.... :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehahahhaha...amazingly hilarious babes...trust me just go to a barber and a doctor...lol..muah
ReplyDeleteThanks :)
ReplyDeleteOindree-- I KNOW!!! :P
thanks nida!! will take your advice from now on